The Lemon
by Insanity's Partner
Summary: Searching for Jane Austin fanfictions, Edward and Bella find a purple link that reads 'Twilight' on a certain fanfiction website... Oneshot
1. The Lemon

**_Disclaimer:_** All recognizable characters are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. (Yes Bella, she **OWNS** you. Now, get back to work, **SLAVE!** Lol, jk.) I only own the stupid ideas, and rediculous situations I place them in.

* * *

**The Lemon:**

**_One-shot_**

**_BPOV:_**

"Wow, Edward, it's beautiful." I said, staring at it in awe.  
"Isn't it?" he said, sliding his finger along the top of the screen. "And it's all yours."  
"What?" I yelled, jumping back. "Edward, that's a five thousand dollar laptop! I can't accept that!"  
"Yes, you can." He persisted.  
"No, I really can't, Edward." I sighed, looking away from his eyes. "You keep it. I'll use it when I come over, if that makes you happy."  
He sighed in defeat. "Okay, fine Bella."

Then he got a little excited. "Ooh! Let's turn it on!"  
"Um, okay." I said, after the superfast computer started. "What website do you want to do first?"  
"Umm… How about to look for some Jane Austin fanfics!" he said, excited.

He booted up the internet and had it running in no time, then clicked on the book section.

"Hey, what's that?" I said, scrolling down, looking at a purple link titled 'Twilight'. Someone had been there before on this computer. "Edward?" I asked.  
"Nope, not me." He said, clicking the link.

I read through some one the fanfic titles, and then clicked one that looked interesting.

"Hey, who's Stephenie?" I asked, "And why does it say she 'owns' us?"  
He shrugged, and we began reading the story.

**_Sixty Seconds Later:  
_**

"Ahhh!" I yelled, shielding my eyes. "Look away, Edward, Dammit! Look away!"  
He couldn't pry his eyes away from the screen.  
"Edward Cullen!" I yelled, in disbelief. "Don't tell me you're reading a lemon about US!"  
I would have whacked him upside the head if I'd known it'd do any good. "Doesn't it creep you out that people we'd never even met are writing about our non-existent sex lives?"  
He shuddered and looked away from the screen."I wasn't reading it, I swear." He said; his breathed ragged as he clawed at his eyes. "I just went brain-dead for a minute!" I clicked out the box and collapsed on the floor.  
"So…much…chat…speak…" I moaned, rubbing at my eyes.  
"Bella, promise me something." Edward groaned beside me.  
"Anything." I said. Just don't make me read the fan fictions again.

"Never, ever go to that website again." He said. I nodded my head.  
"No problem." I said, meaning it.

* * *

I got the idea from L.C.Candle… I hope she doesn't mind, lol. 

I was bored. I can't sleep (I'm an insomniac.) and I thought that maybe I could do a humorous one-shot… To pass the time, since my alarm clock goes off in three hours, and it doesn't look like sleep is possible.

Only, that took like, 10 minutes, tops. -sigh-

I'd write another one, but I don't feel like editing my other idea, lol. That one won't go up until much later.


	2. Renouncement

Given some of the flames I received, I decided to edit this Author's Note.

I'm renouncing my Twilight Fandom for several reasons.

The first being that everyone has noticed the quality of her books taking a massive downward spiral. I think to her, it's becoming like trying to squeeze water out of a rock.

I'm not going to pretend I didn't like Twilight and New Moon, but enough is enough. I'm not going to say I didn't like Breaking Dawn, but if I was being honest with myself, I'd have to say I enjoyed laughing it it much more than I enjoyed reading it.

The second reason is that Stephenie Meyer's book got leaked all over the internet, and now she's whining and crying, "Oh, I cannot go on!"

As if it's never happened before. Seth MacFarlane was pissed when The Family Guy Movie had a massive leak a few days before it was released, but he didn't just pull the plug and cry, "You hurt me so badly! I can never give out my manuscript to you random shady-looking people if you're all just going to leak it!"

Frankly, it's her fault for giving it out in the first place.

I also feel like there's a pretty good chance that she leaked it herself. She said that her first impulse was to not continue, and then she assured everyone that it was only on hold, but that's a lie. She put the draft on her website for everyone to read. As long as it's there, she can't publish it because it would violate her copyright. She knows this. That was the reason she couldn't post the first chapter of Breaking Dawn on her website.

To me, that shows that she has no intent at all to publish it for as long as it's on her website. And even if she did still intend to publish it, she wouldn't have kept the book on her website so everyone could continue reading it. She would have taken it off in the hopes of keeping things from getting any worse.

She says, "But to end the confusion, I've decided to make the draft available here after _Midnight Sun_ page). This way, my readers don't have to feel they have to make a sacrifice to stay honest."

I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but you can't find the leak anymore. Every single leak has been eliminated. If she didn't want her readers to read it, all she would have to do is keep it off of her site. Her readers wouldn't have to sacrifice anything because they wouldn't get the chance to see it.

On top of that, she's directing the Jack's Mannequin video...when did this happen? Did anyone see what they had to say about this? "No, there won't be any vampires, but there might be some mermaids."

_How are they letting her _do _this?!_ Has she brainwashed them or something?

I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I'd love to hear what you have to say.

-Val (Insanity's Partner)


End file.
